The Daring adventures of Maj Science and Col Memo
by Moonrays and fridays
Summary: Bregman's found a shipper angle to his documentary! I knew he wouldnt stop grilling Sam... the man's annoying, not blind! SJ humour
1. Chapter 1

**Bregman's Brainwave: The Daring Adventures of Major Science and Colonel Memo.**

_AN: Just an idea that popped into my fraun a while back. I wrote it about a year ago, so if it's still funny to anyone let me know. I just figured Bregman was sooo annoying that he wouldn't give up that easy._

_Oh, and btw, Janet's not dead, because i love her and she shouldnt be. So there._

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"After everything you've been through together?" Bregman smiled.

There was a story here. A truly brilliant story. Better than some poxy stargate, with infinite worlds and galaxies. Better than a military run top secret government organisation that is classified to most of the world.

"Have you ever heard the expression opposites attract?"

Oh yeah, she was nervous all right. There had to be more here. He was sure of it. He'd found his angle, he'd found how it was going to work.

"You must have, if it's not too much to say...faced death together?"

Yeah, and now she's defensive, and making excuses.

Emmett Bregman had found his story. A love affair between two senior officers on the most top secret facility ever! How brilliant! Always together yet forever out of reach! Oh yes, Emmett Bregman had found his niche, and he was going to make these people stars! Major Samantha Carter and Colonel Jack "Send me a memo" O'Neill were in a lot of trouble.

SG!SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS

"Colonel O'Neill, Sir! Just a moment of you time! 30 seconds even!" Bregman said, rushing to catch up with the Colonel, as he walked hurriedly down the corridor.

"Memo!" Jack replied as he turned the corner.

"Colonel, I know you're in love with Major Carter!" Bregman shouted down the hall.

Jack stopped, clenching his fists and slowly pivoting.

"What?"

"Got your attention or should I post it in a memo?"

"Well firstly you can not shout it in the halls. Secondly you should know that it's not true. You can tell me how you came across this faulty information..."

"It's true Colonel, and I'm going to put it in the documentary!"

"...And then you can ignore me completely."

"Colonel, don't you understand just how great a story this would be? It would be an amazing twist to the storyline; it would complement it. Two warriors, in love but not lovers, friends but not too close! "

"This isn't a movie Bregman. These are our lives you want to put on the big screen. Anyway General Hammond would never allow you to do that."

"Oh so the General's in on it? Good old uncle George, keeping his two favourite "kids" safe in the pursuit of true love? It just keeps getting better!"

"Oh for crying out loud! Hey Carter!" Jack suddenly saw that safety was in numbers, and grabbed his 2IC's arm in desperation. Bregman only saw this as confirmation.

"Carter please convince this buffoon that making a documentary about a fictional love affair between two ranking officers would get us into trouble."

"How would it?"

"Because **we're** the two ranking officers."

"Okay." Carter took a deep breath, "Our personal lives are not what's being put under the microscope here. Firstly we have nothing to hide because there is nothing going on between the Colonel and myself. We're team mates, friends if you will, and telling people stories based on suspicion and opinions could not only jeopardise the work we do here, but is not the work of a true journalist."

"Fair point, Major." The journalist relented, "But I will get the proof I need."

"Why would you want to do that? Isn't the stargate amazing enough?"

"Oh please, some people just don't watch adventure or sci-fi if there isn't a hint of romance."

"This isn't a T.V show Bregman!"

"It will be if I get my way!" Bregman sighed in triumph, "If you won't help me I'll just have to get shots of you when you don't want to be seen!"

"All the time then." Jack said grumpily.

"Really Major, how do you put up with him?" Bregman smiled.

"I tell him where to find weasels like you to release his aggression." She smiled menacingly, and rolled her eyes at her C.O. Following him as he turned away.

"You'll see! It'll bet he greatest love story ever told! Kids will be posting fan fiction on this for years to come!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Ch2.**

"As you can see, the two creatures try to make sure they are not seen, always hiding, forever escaping peril and saving the world." Bregman whispered as he tilted the camera over to where his targets where sitting.

He'd been forced to do the camera work himself, seeing as both his airmen assistants had said they'd rather take a bullet than piss off "Colonel Memo" as Bregman now fondly referred to him as.

Still, at least this way, he got the credit. All of it.

It was strange that his subjects hadn't noticed him yet. It was true he was using a hand held smaller camera like Dr Jackson's, but you think, being seasoned officers and all, they would notice when "the Enemy" appeared.

Or they could just be ignoring him.

He continued to narrate, zooming in on Sam Carter smiling.

"And once again, Jack O'Neill has been able to make Samantha Carter smile at a joke, that's lets face it, can't be that intelligent-this is O'Neill people."

Carter's smile become more strained, which showed Bregman she had heard him. This was an opportunity.

"In fact," he carried on in a louder whisper, "It has to be asked, what could these two officers possibly have in common that they could be talking about? What would make Major Carter smile that wouldn't make Colonel O'Neill's head spin?"

Jack's shoulder clenched for a moment then he released them, proving he didn't care. Sam couldn't let things go that quickly. She looked as if she was about to get up, but Jack put a hand on her arm to stop her, they conferred quickly, using only head shakes and eye contact it seemed.

"So Carter," Jack started loudly, "How's the experiment on the decay rate of naquadah going? Is it, as I predicted, proportional to the increase in electronic charge?"

"Yes sir, but we're still having a little trouble getting accurate results."

"Try reversing the polarity." He suggested offhandedly.

"Yes, sir I was going to try that but it was getting late and I didn't want to miss the Simpsons, it was a Halloween special." She grinned.

"Oh, I wouldn't know Major, I only watch it on occasion." He smirked. They stared pointedly at Bregman and his camera.

"And there it is, audience, proof positive, that years working together can cause you to work in code, one that only the two of you can understand. And surely, causing two people to go against what they enjoy doing, to try new things they wouldn't usually try, is that not proof of love?"

Bregman smiled. Carter rolled her eyes.

"Chill Carter, he'll get bored soon. And if not I'll make sure he disappears. Finish your Jell-O."

"I'd rather throw it over an annoying reporter. You know I spent time trying to explain the gate functions to them, and they just stared at me blankly like I was speaking another language?" She said, sighing again.

Jack stared at her blankly.

"...Yeah like that."

"That's what I do every time you start a sentence with "theoretically", or "interestingly", or "unusually", pick a word, any word." He said, deadpan.

"Yes, but at least I know you actually get what I'm saying-most of the time. And you at least _try_ not to make me feel like a massive geek."

"You are a geek."

"There are worse people! I mean, when we're on downtime, I go home now!" She said loudly.

Neither of them mentioned the reasons she went home at weekends now. Her dating was still something they didn't talk about unless it came up.

"I guess Felger's worse than you." He said grudgingly.

"I like Felger, he just gets a bit carried away...and I wouldn't want to spend too long in the lab with him."

"Yeah, well he likes you too."

"Well seeing as I've saved his ass from getting fired a few times, I should hope so." She shrugged.

"No, I mean he LIKES YOU likes you." Jack said, enunciating obviously.

An offensive nasal whine whispered in the background.

"...And the alpha male subtly shows his jealously towards the females other admirers. Maybe, once again, like during the time the team became primitive, the Colonel will once again beat a friend to a pulp to protect his Major from unwelcome affections."

Both Jack and Sam turned to look at Bregman. He shrugged and smiled.

"What Colonel, are you denying you beat up Dr Jackson because he said he cared about Major Carter, and was going to see her when she got stabbed?"

"Sir?" Carter asked with curiosity.

"Aw, for crying out loud, I was under the influence of that touched disease-which you gave me I'll remind you Carter!" He sighed,

"And I apologised to Daniel, I even sent him a fruit basket!"

"Anyway it was my fault, I caught it from sg3, and then the Colonel caught it from me." Sam said.

"Yes, how did the Colonel catch that disease from you Major? I don't believe it was airborne?" Bregman asked innocently.

"I attacked him. The disease of the touched made you much more violent, pushing back logic and relying on instinct. And my primitive instinct told me the Colonel was a threat, I suppose." Sam elaborated.

"And tell me Major," Bregman asked, checking his notes briefly,

"Do you generally go and change into revealing tank tops before you attack men?"

"D'oh".


	3. Chapter 3

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_AN: WARNING- SHAMELESS FLUFF ALERT. IN DANGER OF CLICHE. oh and i forget to **disclaim stuff**-i accept no money for writing these-but if anyone wants to send me a caramel macchiato and a jelly donut, i'll gladly accept._

**ch3.**

It carried on like that for weeks. Filming them when they had lunch together. Filming if the Colonel took Carter some cake from the commissary when she was working too hard, or if Carter took him coffee when he had to do mission reports.

He missed out the parts where they occasionally did the same thing for Daniel and Teal'c.

One time, when they were getting their weapons from the armoury, as well as Teal'c's staff and Daniel's hand gun, Bregman actually locked them in, and then filmed them inside the cupboard, saying how their love could "no longer be restrained by the bounds of professionalism".

But of course, being in an armoury, they shot their way out pretty quickly. And Bregman squeaked a lot about how sorry he was. But then again he was pinned against a wall by Colonel Memo, whilst Major Science tried to convince him that killing a man in cold blood wasn't a good idea...but if he wanted she'd help dispose of the body.

By the end of two months, Bregman finally quit it. He said he was finished trying to get them to confess their undying love for each other, and that he hoped they'd be very happy being a science-fanatic spinster, and a memo-obsessed bachelor for the rest of their lives.

"I was only trying to help you, you know. I mean yeah, it would have made a great story, but I just thought two people who have saved the world from an eternity in darkness deserve to have some light in their lives, you know?"

Sam softened slightly at that, and even O'Neill didn't want to punch him as much as usual.

"How did you get onto an idea like that any way? You were here to document procedures at the SGC, not about specific people and their emotional wellbeing, or whatever it was you were trying to do." Sam said, making sure to deny the allegation once again.

"Well, it was strange really. Doctor Fraiser and I were having lunch, and discussing various mission reports, and how tight a bond all of you have. She was listing examples of all the times she had to shoo you out of the infirmary when one of you was dying. Or possessed by an alien entity, or ascending or recovering from a bullet wound, or poisoned by radiation sickness, or an ancient incurable disease, or recovering from being endlessly tortured-"

"ANYWAY..." Jack said loudly.

"So she just mentioned how close all of you were, and I wondered if tension in military teams still existed because there was a woman on the team. After all, you hear such horror stories of women officers having to prove their worth. And after reading the first mission report I picked up on what seemed to be tension between you too."

Sam and Jack looked at each other guiltily. It hadn't been a great start, although she did wonder about ever having that arm wrestle.

"And then Doctor Fraiser mentioned that one of the Majors at the time had called it "enthusiasm." and had written in his report that flirting between officers should prevent them from being on the same team. So I followed it up with questions, and generally made Major Carter feel as cornered as possible in order to elicit a response."

"I'm going to kill Janet!"

"Saving lives is what she does Major, she was just trying to save both of yours." Bregman shrugged.

"Anyway, I'm going, I have what may be described as a date with a certain petite doctor. I wanted to say I'm sorry, and I hope both you and the General can forgive me."

He handed over a tape, "I made this after I collected all the evidence, I put everything I got in the end result, and this is the only copy, so you can destroy it. Good luck with saving the world again."

Bregman waved goodbye, and walked off with a spring in his step. Jack looked at the videotape in Carter's hand. They looked at each other.

"We couldn't." She said.

"Could we?" He asked.

"Rec room?"

"Now?"

"No mission reports?"

"No experiments?"

"No."

"No."

It was five minutes later, after hurrying to the Rec room with the television and bolting the door, that the Major and Colonel started to watch all they had been put through by Bregman over the last two months.

As well as a lot of things they didn't know had happened. Things they didn't even notice they did, and wouldn't have thought odd at all had been filmed, and now had Bregman's offending nasal whine giving explanations.

"I'd say put it on mute, but I guess we need to know what he says."

Simple things became moments of passion, apparently. Walking together to the elevator at the end of the day became something which apparently represented "the walk the girl to the door and kiss goodnight clich that they could never have."

The coffee became representational of the gifts they could never give each other and the jokes the only thing they could share on base without lying to their hearts.

"What a crock."

"Well..."

"Well what? Are you telling me that when I get you coffee out of concern for you working too hard, I actually think I'm giving you a dozen roses at the beginning of a date?"

"No. All I'm saying is maybe Bregman was on to something. The coffee is just coffee, but maybe they're just little things we do automatically to subconsciously show each other we care."

He thought about that for a moment. "Well if neither of us cared we'd probably both have died...more than usual, by now."

They sat in silence, watching more of their eye contact being analysed. Sam didn't explain what she had been thinking during some of those times, because they may have proved Bregman right. Jack got uncomfortable when the camera zoomed in on him smiling one time. That smile was for his Major's eyes only, and he didn't want it analysed to death.

Then something came on screen that made them both screech in shock. Daniel Jackson, smiling brightly.

"No their relationship has never affected anyone else. It doesn't change how we act in a team, and they're always really professional at work. So what if they love each other? It's not as if it's a secret, everyone on base knows, they just respect they're privacy."

Then, to make matters worse, there were a few more minutes of asking different people what they thought of the Colonel and Major's relationship.

"Yeah, they make a great couple, balance each other perfectly."

"I have complete faith in them, together and apart."

"So what about the regs? Every team on base would be proud to serve with Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill. They're two of the best officers on this base."

"I couldn't be more happy for them."

Then they heard Bregman say, "Have they ever announced their relationship, or let it run into they're work relationship?"

"No, but they don't need to say it, it's obvious."

"Both O'Neill and Major Carter are my friends, and they are warriors. They do not speak of their emotions because it is not the way of the warrior. I wish them many happy years of working side by side to defeat the Goa'uld. I have witnessed both their emotions when one has been away from the other. I comforted Major Carter when she despaired as O'Neill was lost to us, and I saw the effect Major Carter's disappearance had on O'Neill. They are able warriors, but they could not bear to lose each other. A warrior is always stronger in battle when another is by their side. It is the Jaffa way, and neither could find a more suitable partner."

And then a very familiar voice came on, answering Bregman's question.

"I have known Sam and Jack for many years. I've seen them win battles, and they will still wait until the war is over to seek their own happiness. I've seen them lose their friends, themselves, each other sometimes, but they never lost that hope, that sense of loyalty to the SGC. And to Earth. And I think the reason for that is the strength they get from each other.

"Which is why I am officially saying that whether or not they are pursuing a relationship, they are not breaking any rules. The people who made those rules have not been living, working and dying with their team mates on alien planets for the last seven years. And so, what I am saying is that if they are involved, I wish them all the happiness in the world. And if they aren't...Why the hell not? Apparently everyone on base knows anyway!"

With that the General smiled, and then the tape clicked off. The Major and Colonel smiled at each other.

It was the beginning.

And somewhere, about fifteen levels up, a certain Mr Bregman, Doctor Frasier, Daniel Jackson and Teal'c, watched at the end of a video camera and cheered in success for a plan that had finally achieved the happiness of their friends.

_The end._

_AN: I realise that was shameless fluff, ship, whatever. i tried not to be too...you know, but hey, the idea just kept bouncing around! If i need to be for feedback, you dont know me at all...boo__hoo_


End file.
